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Godwin Samararatne
Discovering Meditation

Retreat at the Waldhaus
Day 9: Everyday Life

Godwin: I would like to present some very practical, simple suggestions about meditation in everyday life.

The first point is not to expect that the mind will always be calm, spacious, having loving-kindness and so on, that is very, very important. It is easy to have such states of mind when you are here. But if the same conditions are not there in everyday life how can we expect similar states of mind? This is why I have been emphasising very much while you are here to work with emotions, to be open to unpleasant states of mind like the monsters, and so on.

The next point is that we have to be clear in our minds about our priorities in life. What is the most important priority you have in life? And then you have to find out, if you have a list of priorities, where meditation is in that list. So if the commitment for meditation is amongst the first few ones, maybe first, second, third among those priorities then that itself will look after meditation. Because if this is clear and if you know where your commitment is then you will never say: I do not have time for meditation.

Here what might be helpful is to find out whether you really like meditation, whether you find it interesting, whether you can develop a curiosity about it, whether you have clearly developed a taste for it. Otherwise if you are meditating and it is a big battle it is very unpleasant, it is a big effort, then who can have a commitment to it, who will be motivated towards it?

So here one suggestion I would like to offer is not to be concerned, preoccupied about progress, about results, in your meditation. But rather to see what you are doing as interesting. One of the teachers gives a very beautiful simile: It is like a gardener who is planting things - if he is a good gardener he should enjoy what he is doing. And then he simply enjoys it, learning to take care of the plants; he finds it interesting, he finds it challenging sometimes. So when a gardener plants something he can never know when the flowers will come, when the fruits will come. This is the type of relationship we might try to have with meditation.

But the real challenge we have in everyday life is when we have anxiety, when we have stress, when we get angry, all the monsters: how can we find it interesting? This is why here I have been emphasising very much that they should be your objects of meditation, they should be learning experiences for you, they should be your teachers. So the practice is not to suppress them - this is a very important point to remember - it is not to get rid of them, but rather when they are there just to see them as our compost, using them for our growth. So this is another very interesting perspective to have in relation to meditation in daily life.

Now one thing I have heard from the meditators here, especially those who have jobs, they tell me they have to work from morning till late in the evening, and at the end of the day they feel really exhausted, they feel really tired. So they go home tired, they eat something and then go to sleep, and in the early morning they get up, they go to work, it's the same routine every day. They would like to meditate, they have some interest in it. But how can such a routine enable them to meditate?

So I would like to suggest one or two practical things for such persons. Because what happens to them is that there is a build-up during the day with more stress, more anxiety, more work so that by the end of the day it is really stressful. And they honestly tell me that in that situation it is not possible to have awareness, and it is a fact of experience. So one suggestion I like to offer to them is what I call toilet meditation.

Do not laugh, because in the main text where the Buddha describes the development of awareness or mindfulness, in the Satipatthana Sutta - this is a very important text for meditation - it is said that when you are in the toilet you should practice mindfulness, you should practice awareness. Now we can use that from time to time during the day. So take a few toilet breaks during the day! How many breaks can you take during the day? Three breaks? More? Good, the more the better! So when you go to the toilet you have a very nice sitting posture!

The Breath

Now what is important to do - this is another thing I have been emphasising - is to have a connection with your breath. And the connection I have been emphasising is like the connection you have to a friend. I have been emphasising two aspects about the breath: One is to use your friend just to be centred, to stop all that build-up and just for a few minutes to be with the breath, being in the present moment. So I would like to repeat, you need to build this relationship, this connection with the breath. No sooner than you think of your friend then there is space, then you come to the present, then you are centred within yourself.

Another thing I have been emphasising is to find out your own way, how to use the breath to develop friendliness, loving-kindness. You must make this connection so that you can use the breath for five minutes or ten minutes in this way, and this should, if you go on practising, create space in your mind, create a break during the day. Then when you go back to your work you should be able to start your work afresh, anew.

Relating to Things Around You

Another practical suggestion that I would like to offer, which I have also been emphasising and which you can do while you are working is to take a pause and just spend some time looking at what is there in the room. Looking at things with a curious mind, looking at things as if you are seeing them for the first time, without past associations. So when you look around you might see computers, or telephones. What else do you see in your office?

Retreatant: Plants and flowers.

Godwin: Flowers, that is a good point. So if someone doesn't have flowers in their workplace, please take some with you on Monday when you go to work. I mean, this is why I was emphasising relating to nature. In a poem by Mother Theresa she says: Find life a delight. I have joined two words together to express this: gentle delight. They are beautiful words, even when you just hear them. I do not know how they sound in German.

Retreatant: Sanftes Entzücken.

Godwin: That sounds beautiful also.

So for just a few minutes have this gentle delight in seeing the flowers, or the plants that are there, and also learn to have a little gentle delight when you see the computers. I was emphasising the need to feel grateful. After all you are working with the computer, it is a very useful friend. I mean, this is a very interesting idea, to have a connection with the things that you are using. There is a beautiful book of Zen poems; the title of the book is One Robe, One Bowl. It is a collection of poems that were written by a Zen monk who had only one robe and one bowl, and some of the poems describe the connection he has to his robe and bowl. It is really touching: in one poem he had forgotten where he had left his bowl, and when he remembers he goes back and says: Oh my dear poor bowl, I am sure you have missed me, I missed you! So when you go back after this retreat to your computers: Poor computer, I am sure you missed me - but to be honest I did not miss you! But still I am happy to be back. This is what is called gentle delight.

Please see that this gentle delight can come not from special experiences, extraordinary experiences, but from simple things. This is another point to remember: that meditation is all about ordinary things. Breath is something very, very ordinary. Being aware of the body is something very simple and ordinary. So this is another very important perspective we should have in everyday life: to have this connection with ordinary things, then you learn to see ordinary things as extra-ordinary.

Okay Meditation

Another meditation: in fact one day I gave you a guided meditation which I called okay meditation! I got a few plusses for that guided okay meditation. You can apply it in everyday life, when you feel there is stress, anxiety and so on, when you feel that you are very tired: Okay, okay - just to say: Okay, and in that way to practice the okay meditation. Because please realise that it is resistance, it is dislike, it is not wanting, it is fighting, that is creating the tension, that is creating more stress. So this helps us to create some space, just spending a few minutes with the okay meditation.

In a way it can also be seen as developing compassion, developing loving-kindness for what is happening. So this is the beauty of loving-kindness: it is learning to make friends not only with very pleasant things, with beautiful things - that is easy: but this is the real challenge we have in everyday life, how to make friends with things that we do not like. It is by learning to say: It is okay.

One day Paul mentioned the non-reactive mind. I think before that we also had an exercise to see the difference between the reactive mind and the non-reactive mind. So this is another interesting tool to work with in everyday life, when difficult situations are arising, just to remember to think: how far can I not react to the stress, how far can I not react to the anger that is arising.

Now, another tool that I have been emphasising very much is exploring, investigating, finding out. The ideal is: if stressful states of mind are arising, as they are arising, see if you can explore them, if you can investigate them, if you can find out and make discoveries about them - if you can do this at that moment you get an hundred out of hundred, a big plus! But most of the time you may not be able to do that because it is not easy.

Reflection

So there is another tool which all of us can relate to. That is, at some point after going home or during the weekend itself, just to reflect, take your mind backwards and find out more about the reactive mind. So again you earn seventy-five marks out of a hundred: that is a big plus! I would suggest that this is a very useful tool, and in this way we can learn from any experience we have had, any unpleasant experience that we have had, any failure that we think we have had.

But what is important is that in this exploration you have to have a very gentle, friendly connection with yourself. Not to do the exploration as though wielding a stick to find out why you behaved like that. But rather in a very gentle, very friendly way. The important thing is to explore what has happened without attaching a minus. So it is like saying: It is okay that you did this but let us find out what really happened to you.

As I was saying, we can have others as spiritual friends, but you can also have yourself as a spiritual friend. And with a spiritual friend, what we can do is to have a dialogue. So here you have a really friendly dialogue with yourself, which you can really enjoy, you can really find it interesting, amusing: Why did you get angry with the boss last week? Now I remember the way you were looking at the boss. It is really interesting, the way you were looking at the boss. Normally you do not look at people in that way. Were you really angry? What made you so very angry and caused you to look at him in that way? Beautiful, our mistakes, our failures. Alright, it is okay, let me see how I look at him next time.

So you really use the person who creates problems for you as an object of investigation, as an object of meditation. Has anyone heard me talking about the lawnmower principle? Maybe some of you have not heard of it. It is related to this, so I will say what I mean by the lawnmower principle.

When I was in South Africa there was a very big meditation centre, very like here, 300 acres in all. On one retreat I led there was a very intense group, a very serious group. So I was not really enjoying it very much! Then during one sitting period the gardener was mowing the grass outside, and after the sitting one of the meditators went running to the director of the centre and said: Please stop that man using the lawnmower. So the director of the centre came running to me and asked: Now what do we do? I said: Please continue with the lawnmower! So in the evening discussion I said: Now tomorrow also we will be hearing the lawnmower, and when we hear the lawnmower let us all make our object of meditation the sound of the lawnmower. Forget about your breath, forget about loving-kindness, and forget about all the other objects, the sound of the lawnmower is the object of meditation. And when we hear the sound of the lawnmower let us all see how far we can make friends with it. And in the evening the man who had objected to it said: I would like to share with the group that I have now made friends with the lawnmower! And on the last day he had a photograph taken of himself with the lawnmower, and he sent me a copy. This is what I mean by the lawnmower principle. So in every day life it is a very useful principle.

Another point: I would like to say something about sitting in daily practice. I mean it is a good thing if you can do it, if you can sit even for a short period in the morning. So if you are normally getting up at six in the morning, please make a commitment: I will get up half an hour before that. And during that half an hour you can start with some yoga, some bodywork, and then do some meditation with your breath, and perhaps end with meditation on loving-kindness. If you are unable to do that for some reason, please do not think: This means that I cannot meditate, my meditation is over. This is why I emphasise that if you cannot sit, try to use some of the suggestions I offered for practice during the day.

Another practical suggestion I would like to offer is to do some reflection. If you can do it every evening it is good, but at least when you have the space try to do this reflection that I am going to outline to you. Reflect on the way you have spent the day. Again in a very friendly, gentle way, just go over what has happened during the day. No plusses, no minuses. But to realise: I got angry at about 10 o'clock in the morning, and at about 2 o'clock I had an argument with this man, and it was not very pleasant. In the afternoon another incident happened, and it is unfortunate that it happened.

Then what is more important is to also reflect on things that did not happen. So I got angry at 10 o'clock - but until 10 I was not angry! Then between 10 and 2, until that unpleasant incident happened, there were no monsters. Very good! So then you realise: Now for two or three days only one or two unpleasant incidents happened here and there. I am surprised, I never thought I was such a good person! Then if you have an inner dialogue like this you can say: Do not be surprised that you have been so good! You can make a beautiful connection with yourself. This is one way of learning to be your best friend.

This is why I was suggesting that you learn to relate to yourself as a plaything, as a toy: because as with a toy you can find yourself amusing, entertaining. With toys normally either we become dependant on them, or we change from one toy to another; but here with the different connections you can have with this toy, you become so self-content and interested in yourself.

Setting an Example

Maybe one more suggestion again this can be done in a very simple way: learning to practice compassion in action. And if you can make some commitment to practice this you will get a lot of opportunities, very simple opportunities in everyday life, where you will be able to do some kind act. In the bus you might see an old man struggling to get on to the bus: just give that person a helping hand. In your place of work you might see someone who has a very sad face: try to speak to that person. Learning to do these little things for others. This can give us such joy; it's such a beautiful way to live. And if you have this sensitivity you see so many opportunities to act, you do not have to do something separate, like social welfare work - I mean it is a good thing if you can have such projects, and the Centre here is very much involved in such projects - but in this way compassion and loving-kindness become a way of life.

Now I remember someone asked me: Supposing my friend is not a meditator and I am a meditator now, how to get my friend interested in meditation? How to get a child interested in meditation? What do we do? Sri Lankans also often ask this question. Sometimes the husband is a meditator and the husband would come and say: My wife is not interested in meditation, how can I get her interested in meditation? This is what I suggest to them: Show in your own behaviour to that person that with meditation, with the taking of the medicine, there are some changes taking place in you. Then the person will realise that you are so different now. Previously you were having moods, now most of the time you are smiling!

Or another example might be that a husband says to his wife: Now what you cook is much better, it has a very nice taste! Or, a friend comments: In the past you gossiped about other people, now you do not gossip at all! What is the secret, what are you doing? I am doing what is called meditation, would you like to try it? Yes, yes, please teach me because I would also like to smile like you. I have this bad habit of gossiping, I would also like to stop gossiping. So it is by example that we can affect others, influence others. And this is what we can do with children also.

When I say this I am reminded of a Tibetan story. In this retreat I have not been relating so many stories, usually I relate many stories. This story shows how the behaviour of a person made another person reflect: There was a very pious monk, a very saintly monk, living in a certain place, and he had a devotee who was a very rich woman. She was very impressed and inspired by this monk so she wanted to present him with something very special. So she told the goldsmith in the village to make a bowl out of gold. Now this news went to the chief thief in the village: A golden bowl is being made for the monk. So the robber thought: Ah! There is a wonderful opportunity coming, let me wait till it is finished and see what I can do.

So on the day it was presented to the monk the thief got the news, and he went to the temple. And when the monk saw the robber he knew why he had come. So the monk went inside, took the bowl and threw it in the direction of the robber. This really confused the robber: I was waiting all this time to steal this bowl and when this monk gets it he throws it away! What kind of person is he? He was very curious to know. So he walked up to the monk and he said: Please tell me how it is that you are able to throw this bowl away as soon as you saw me? He said: I meditate and I meditate. The thief asked: Can I also learn to meditate? The monk said: Yes, of course you can. And this confused him even more because earlier whenever he went to spiritual teachers they would tell him: First you have to change your profession and become a spiritual person, and then you can meditate. He said: You are the only person who ever told me that I could still practice my profession and practice meditation as well. That is very interesting. Please, tell me more about meditation and what I can do. The monk said: Hereafter, when you do some action, just be mindful of what you are doing, and just reflect why you are doing it. The thief thought: this sounds simple! So he said: I will try to practice and I will come back to you.

So after some time the robber thought: Now it is time to practice my profession, but I must remember also to practice meditation. So, as the story goes, he wanted to break into a house, but then he remembered the words of the monk: Just reflect about the action that you are going to do, reflect with mindfulness. So the thief thought: Now, what am I about to do? Immediately he realised the implication of what he was going to do and he could not proceed any further. He went back to the monk and he said: Now I will practice only meditation and not my profession.

Questions about Meditation in Everyday Life

I would like to stop now because I am sure you must have many questions. So please present your questions and your difficulties, and say where in everyday life you cannot use meditation, or how one can use meditation in facing a life-situation. If you have any examples of such situations we can try to explore them, see what can be done.

Retreatant: What do you think about physical aches during meditation, not in the legs, but in other parts of the body - these aches only come during meditation. Is it good to put my full awareness and attention on these?

Godwin: I would like to offer some suggestions on how to work with pain in meditation. One is not to see the pain as a disturbance or as a distraction to meditation. So the pain becomes the object of meditation. And when the pain is there you can try to explore, investigate, and find out about pain. In everyday life when we have pain what we do is try to get rid of the pain, but by doing that we never learn about pain. So here when pain comes you should consider it a blessing, an opportunity to work with pain, to understand it. Then you can find out when there is physical pain, if you can observe and work with the reaction to the pain. Sometimes it is the reaction that is creating the suffering in relation to the pain - not wanting the pain, considering pain as a disturbance, hating the pain. So these reactions can create more suffering on top of the pain.

I have found that sometimes that pain can have a physical reason and sometimes certain pains and tensions can have a psychological reason. If it has a physical reason you can work with the pain in this way for some time and then change the posture.

In relation to pain you should avoid two extremes. One extreme is pampering the body, so whenever there is pain you immediately change the posture or try to get rid of the pain. And the other extreme is being very hard on yourself, being very severe on yourself, so that you continue to sit without changing the posture at all even when it is very painful indeed. I would suggest therefore discovering a middle way where you learn to be friendly and gentle to the body, to the pain, avoiding being hard and severe on your body, but at the same time not pampering the body. Which in practical terms is, as I said, to work with the pain when you are sitting and then if necessary to change the posture.

And if the pain does not have a physical reason then we might have to explore the emotion behind the pain that is creating the pain. So in meditation what we are trying to do is not to get rid of pain but to learn to see how even when pain is there, how far we can relate to the pain without necessarily suffering as a result of the pain. So if you can come and see me tomorrow, I would like to find out where your pain is and perhaps we can explore the pain together.

Any questions about everyday life, meditation in everyday life? Challenges we have, difficulties we have, problems we have...?

Retreatant: You know I am a computer programmer. You have talked about computers. For me the problem is not that the computer is not my friend, it is maybe too much my friend, and the problem is that I bring the work home, here in my brain. Every time I sit in meditation, I take one in-breath and one out-breath and then I start thinking: Oh, there was this problem in programming, and I start thinking about the programming, and I am very concentrated on it. It is no problem for me to spend half an hour programming in my meditation, without having any other thoughts!

Godwin: So one thing is, however much you try to be with the breath it is just not possible - I can really understand that. So here again one can use this principle of making the programming the object of meditation. One suggestion I would like to offer is that when these thoughts about the computer come during your meditation try to focus attention not on the thoughts but on your state of mind. Can you at least have a non-reactive mind for some time with these thoughts coming and going about the programming? So the emphasis is more on the non-reactive mind, and you are just being with that, thoughts coming and going about computers and the programming, and all that. Does that make sense? This is why I have been speaking a lot about thoughts, because we all have thoughts from morning till night, so it is very important to learn to work with our thoughts. So this is one suggestion I would like to offer.

Another suggestion is: you might have to slowly, slowly break this habit of taking your work, taking your office to your home. It shows that either you are really enjoying your work very much or that in relation to your work you are very creative, so that you are always trying to find new programmes and new ways. What do you think may be the reason why you are so preoccupied with computers, with programming?

Retreatant: I like it so much, I am very enthusiastic about writing programmes.

Godwin: That is very nice, it shows that you are really enjoying your work. It is rare that people have this enthusiasm and interest for their work so it is very nice in a way.

Retreatant: It takes away room for many other things, that is the problem.

Godwin: Yes, yes.

Retreatant: It is also very exhausting.

Godwin: Yes, now what do you have to do, now this has become really a strong habit, how to break this habit? To break this habit you have to be very alert and awake to work with the habit. So this again is working with your thoughts: the thought of the computer comes and you have to catch it and let it go. You should try doing that not only when you are sitting but even before that.

So this is one suggestion. Another suggestion is a kind of tricking the mind. So try this when sitting next time: now I am going to sit and I am going to think only of programming. Come on, come on, thoughts - and see what happens!